Of Deafness, Roses and Kidnappers
by Insert Something Witty Here
Summary: James and Sirius have some funny flashbacks. LJ OneShot.


"Prongs!" Sirius screams directly into my left ear, successfully rousing me from my Lily Evans induced reverie.

"What is it this time, Pads?" I murmur.

"I know how to get Lily to love you," he says in a singsong voice, fluttering his eyelids all the while.

"Is this by any chance going to go over like your other idea?"

"But… that went magnificently!"

"No it didn't!"

"Of course it did, Prongsie boy!"

"No it didn't."

"I remember it going smashingly,"

"Well that just proves you're as insane as Moony and I always thought."

The way Sirius' "brilliant" idea was supposed to go:

"Hey Evans, you've got something on your arse."

"What is that, James?" Lily inquires.

"My eyes" I state, smoothly.

"I love you. Let's snog." She mutters into his ear, seductively.

"Sounds peachy!"

At this, Lily and I mount my horse (not like that you perverts!) and ride off into the distant sunset.

Only, it didn't really go like that… more like… I don't know, this:

**Flashback**

I found Lily sitting over in her usual spot in the common room: the large, deep red armchair nestled in a quiet nook near the fireplace. After sitting on the couch near 'her chair', I waved at Sirius, jovially, signaling the commencement of Part 1 in the project we like to call: "Snag Lily's Heart and Hopefully Make It So She Is Not Totally Repulsed by the Idea of Having James' Babies", SLHHMISSINTRIHJB for short.

I cleared my throat to get her attention. She didn't move.

"Hem, hem"

Again, nothing.

"Hem, hem"

Nothing.

"Hem, hem"

Screw it.

"Hey Evans, you've got something on your arse." I told her, smoothly.

Silence.

I look at her strangely, "Well aren't you going to ask me what it is?"

_Why isn't she answering me? I used the puppy dog eyes. The puppy dog eyes! _

I prodded her with his quill, sighing deeply whilst doing so, "Lily!" I then began to throw various objects within grasp at her: balls made of parchment, books, my bag, first-years …

She still refused move, not even an inch! I was beginning to get frustrated at this point.

"It's my eyes!" I exclaimed, annoyed by her muteness.

At this, she picked up her books, stuffed them into her bag and left.

"Why aren't you mounting a horse with me!" I yelled at her retreating body.

A few people turn their heads, and looked at me strangely.

"Not like that, you perverts!"

**End Flashback**

"Smashingly!" He yells.

"Sod off, Padfoot."

"Well, it went better than that time with the roses."

"Sod. Off." I restate.

"Do you remember that time, Prongsie?" He asks me, smirking, _the great oaf_.

"No."

"Well, I do," he's got an evil smirk on his face, now, "it was a great idea, you know, to give her flowers she was-" he starts.

"I didn't know she had rose allergies, alright?"

**Flashback**

I walked up to her, carefully concealing the bouquet of roses I had stashed within my robes earlier, "Wotcher, Evans."

"Potter," She said, not looking up from her Charms essay.

I reached into my robes and removed the bouquet, brandishing it in her beautiful face. "For you, my love."

She risked a quick glance up at me, and a look of horror adopted her beautiful features.

"What?" I asked.

She started to cough and spit uncontrollably.

"Evans, are you okay?"

She didn't answer, instead preferring to go into fits on the ground.

"Do you not like them?" I asked, again.

At this she passed out on the ground.

"No need to be so rude, Evans." I said, stepping over her immobile body.

I strode over to where Remus was sitting. I sat down in the chair across from him, "I don't think she liked the flowers very much, Moony."

He looked up at me, confused. I pointed over to Lily's motionless body. "What in the bloody hell did you do to her, Prongs? Knock her out with flowers?" He screamed, panicking.

"I just gave her some roses."

"She's allergic, you tit!"

"Oh…"

**End Flashback**

Sirius is laughing hysterically, probably at my apparent idiocy.

"Okay, okay… I remember, alright?"

He's still laughing. _The git_. He takes a huge gasp for breath and tries to say something, "What..." he gasps again, "about… that time… where… you kidnapped-" he starts in between gasps for air.

"I didn't kidnap her!"

"Yes… you did!"

"I just wanted to show her something!"

"Besides what a prat you are?"

**Flashback**

She was in the library, working on some schoolwork. _Typical._ _Let's see… do I have everything? Blindfold? Check. Invisibility Cloak? Check. Map? Check. Okay… let's do this. Deep breaths James. You can do it._ I stalked quietly over to where she was working feverishly, all the while silently thanking Merlin I was invisible.

One of the floor boards creaked, and she whipped around, staring right at me. I froze. She dismissed it, going back to her essay. I quietly walked towards her until I was standing right behind her. I took out my blindfold, and tied it around her eyes as quickly as I could.

"What the-" she started, before I could cup my hand over her mouth.

I assume she realized it was me immediately because she screamed, "Jhmzz Pffggher!" into my hand.

I quieted her with a quick, "Shh…" and threw her over my left shoulder, scanning the map as I did so. Peeves and Filch were nowhere to be seen. I set off at a brisk pace towards the kitchens. To show she wasn't happy with the current situation, Lily started kicking my back and making soft grunts.

"Will you stop that?" I whispered to her.

"Nfhvgr," she grunted back

We finally arrived; I lifted her off my shoulder and reached up to tickle the pear in the portrait staring down at me.

The portrait opened up and I tossed Lily into the long room. I then removed her blindfold, awaiting her gasp of amazement. It never came.

"What can I do for you sir and miss?" Sandy, my favorite house elf, asked us.

"I'll have a scone, thanks Sandy." I said, grinning.

"Of course, Mr. James sir, I is off to get it right away."

I look at her, and quirk a brow, "Evans, do you not want something?"

"Slavery, that's what this is!" She shouts and promptly storms out of the Kitchens."

_Bloody Hell…_

"And don't think you're going to get off easy for kidnapping me, Potter!"

**End Flashback**

Sirius is now passed out on the floor, lack of oxygen I suppose.

_I don't need to deal with this_. I walk down the boys' staircase, and gaze over the common room. Immediately spotting Evans' dark red hair in the crowded room, I make my way over to her.

"Alright, Evans?"

After recognizing my voice, she grabs her bag and sprints up the girls' staircase, shooting a glance back at me to check if I'm following her, with a look of sheer horror on her face.

_She loves me_!


End file.
